frustrated.

this is a fussy, crabby, poopy, whiney post and you have been forewarned! i am just kinda feeling frustrated right now with this whole running thing. and this is my outlet. i don't know if it is the cold. well, i know it is the cold weather, for one thing, but i am just tired of it. tired of feeling tired all the time. of the cold. of the training plan. of the feeling that i am fighting a cold or something, if it is going to happen, just happen already and get over being sick! (it'd be nice if it held off til after disney though). the thought of going outside to run in this, long distances, and even now, just 3 miles. 3 miles is easy, piece of cake, in and out in a half hour. but i don't have the energy, the will, or the feeling of stamina to go do it. i did the treadmill yesterday, and i nearly died of boredom. it's funny how that used to be the only way i'd run. i think i am ready to be done with training for awhile. i am tired of feeling sore. 2 gaglion cysts and a black toenail from this stuff, and thankfully no injuries. i read you shouldn't be sore and achy, so why am i after every time,ok, not every time, but lately it seems like it, some worse than others......i do the stretches, i drink the chocolate milk, etc.! i read a lot of articles in the magazine i get, and then i start to over analyze everything. i am ready to not follow a plan for a bit. at this point, i'd rather just go out and do what i want when i want. i have been training for something for the last 10 months, and while it has helped me, i am ready for a break. and i do enjoy it. probably more so in the warmer months, which honestly surprises me, and also does not. i think a lot of it now is just anticipation of fear, excitement, and dread all rolled into one for the half, being sick of the cold already and it 's only december. (mid 20's today). i want to do the half, i think i am just a bit worn out from trying to stick with training. i realize now when i asked my boss near his marathon, how he was doing and he seemed to have the same reaction i am now. at the time i didn't see how he could feel like that (b/c i was barely halfway into my training and more "into" the plan for training at the time). i am sitting here all ready to go. got my layers on. i just need to go. i am digging deep every time i run now to find the energy to get through it. i had my first dream about the half, and it was not good. i didn't have a number or a timing tag, or my license to prove who i was. i was trying to text my mom to tell her that i was nearing the magic kingdom and it just wouldn't text, among other many mishaps. i woke up all stressed out. so here i sit, willing myself to go. i can do it, i can do it. now do it! crap......maybe if it weren't so cold. i miss fall running, even early in the summer mornings. i'm off. this must be what the phrase "hitting a wall" means. (sorry this post just went all over the place and makes no sense in proper grammar and paragraph writing set up....). i think, and hope, i'll be more positive about this in 2 weeks, after my last, big long run. kinda like i was maybe even a month ago!