what running means to me.

i just completed my 4th half marathon, my 2nd of this year alone! i am quite proud of myself for not giving up when sometimes i felt like it...it's not a full 26.2 marathon, but it is my 13.1 mile accomplishment. last night i laid in bed trying to go to sleep, overtired from the days events. i was awake at 4 a.m. to get ready for this race, and it was about midnight before i fell asleep. as i laid there, i thought about the last few years of my new hobby of running and then really thought back into the past. i got very emotional realizing that i really did just run my 4th half marathon....something i never thought doable. i think it was disbelief, that i really have done this, it's like it really hit me that i have done these races. i have been doing them, and enjoying the accomplishment, but it really hit me last night, that i have REALLY done these. hard to explain. i may never do a full marathon, but these half marathons are my marathons.

it's more to me than physical exercise. that was the reason i started, for exercise and to see if it was something i could do. years ago, i would go out for walks as exercise, and i would randomly try to run a block, and i felt like i would collapse after doing so! of course, back then, i didn't have the proper shoes, or any preparation or knowledge toward running, i just did it. that is probably why i was discouraged. then i found out that you just don't up and run. you work your way to it.

after it became clear that i could do it for short distances, i got it into my head to do races. and then i got hooked. especially on races that you get something rewarded to you for it...meaning a medal. i love the medals!

for me, running is more than that. i was the introverted, shy girl when i was younger and what i really started to think about was that i was the girl during those years of school (k-12), in gym class, who was always the last one picked (when we had to pick rather than get assigned) for team sports. that was always embarassing. i sucked at gym. athletics was not my forte....although i remember scoring some goals in floor hockey, but no one on my team even care! i was always happy when we were either assigned to a team, or it was a non team sport day, and the stress of being the last one picked each time didn't have to stress me out that day. running has shown me, that yes, i can do something and achieve a goal. i can be good at a sport. i have actually won an extra prize at a couple small races showing i can do well at running (age group award, and an overall award).....which still makes me astonished i actually was able to "place" at those events. i am proud of myself for getting out there and accomplishing something that intimidated me at one time. the shy, introverted, unathletic girl can do something... and can be kinda good at it too.

running is my outlet. some days, esp. cold, nasty days, i don't want to bother, i'd rather be lazy and just not do it. and sometimes that happens. but i typically feel better when i do. endorphins! running is my outlet to relieve stress i am feeling. or the overwhelming, anxiousness i sometimes feel when life seems to be getting crazy. it's an outlet if i am sad. it makes me happier when i am happy. it wakes me up when i am tired.

running is my accomplishment. there are other current areas in my life, that i sometimes feel a little (ok, a lot) self conscious about, but running is my proud moment. it can't be taken away from me. running has done a lot for the shy girl who was picked last in gym class. and i am so thankful to have it in my life. my medals are proof and reminders that, "yes, i can." running has been good for my spirit, my heart, and my soul. and it's my way of looking back on those years and saying look at me now.