me.

I owe a few race recaps, including the Glass Slipper Challenge weekend, but right now, this post is mostly for me, to hold myself accountable.  I have been asked how I have been, so this is how I have been.  Just being honest and keeping it real.

I have been so out of it lately, just no energy at all.  I am not sick, just flat out no energy and beyond tired, physically as well as mentally.  I guess I blame it on the weather and my job.  Both of which take it out of me.  My job is very physical, and mentally draining.  I work a new, early shift that I am slowly adjusting to, and just after 8 hours of the physical aspect of dealing with children under 12 months in a group setting, as much as the mental things that go with it, from , job requirements and rules (so much to remember), to parents (!), new coworkers and harmony amongst us, still fitting into my new role, general job frustrations, and job role expectations, it has taken a toll on me.  I am doing the best I can, but lately I feel like it isn't enough.  A lot of work I do at home because there isn't enough time to do it at work (paperwork) or go early (and I work early!!!) to get some things done beforehand.  I guess I am maybe holding expectations to high on myself.  As for the weather, I am, like most all people in the north, just over it.  We have gone from a 60* day, to a blizzard and freezing temps.  And back and forth and back and forth.  Over it. I literally come home, prep for the next day, and lights are off by 8:30 p.m.because I cannot stay awake.  Friday nights, I have been asleep by 9:30 and sleep for 12 hours.  I lead such a fascinating life!  I don't even have kids of my own!

I am saying all this I guess to just get my whine out, as pounding the keys is very theraputic.  I am tired of feeling tired.  Everything is put to the side. Running has been minimal. And this past week, not happening at all.   I sleep more than I ever have on weekends, because of pure exhaustion.  That takes away from my "me" time.  I want to run, although I am sick of that treadmill!  I want to do other things to make my physical self feel better.  I need to eat better.  I am not happy with how I feel, my body doesn't feel good anymore, I feel floppy, and not tight like I used to.  Shopping for a dress for my sisters upcoming wedding has not been fun. My living space is a mess, it needs work.  I am just looking for the energy to get it all done.  I am hoping this weekend and week, to find my running/exercise mojo again, as well as my "me" mojo.  I think the "me" mojo is most important, and will lead to better choices in regard to all else.  I have been running on empty for too long and need to take a step back and put myself first again.  I had so much fun at the Glass Slipper Challenge and I always come back motivated to continue on.  That motivation is there, it's just tucked away behind so much.

I am sorry if I sound whiney, and yes, it could be so much worse.  If this is something that bothers you to read, then don't read!  It's my outlet, and my way of venting my frustrations.  It's how I have been and I have been asked how I am doing.  This is it.  It's real, and I won't lie.  I need my disney magic back.

So here's to myself getting myself back.  To eating healthier, getting things done that are not work related, and to trying to get active again (not just at work, which is not really exercise, just running around all day!).  I will say, that I get some good arm exercises in rocking cribs and lifting some cute little chunky babies!  :)  Hoping my thighs are getting a bit stronger too, with the daily squatting I do too!  Anyway, if you have read this far, thanks for listening.  I promise happier recaps and posts to come!