a wreck, and a good moment.

i am an emotional wreck.  i am not even completely sure why.  the last 24 hours i cry at the drop of  a hat and there is no real reason for it.  i thought better weather would help me feel good.  it did in our unseasonally warm month of march, after 2 months of emotions.  here i am again, in sunny and warm weather, feeling so out of it.  i have felt like this for a little while now, not sure when it hit, but the last few days it has hit hard.  maybe it built up.  i ran today thinking it would help, because it does a lot.  i am worse now than before i ran!  i know some of it is underlying with work.  big girls, bigger issues.  lately, i have been worrying more about finances.  but really, i should be happy, and not nervous all the time, and not able to relax.  i have been feeling like i need a change, but i am not sure what, or how that is going to be.  part of me is so unsure, and partly scared to make a change.  i feel like i need to change scenery or something.  i need something fun.  sorry, if i sound whiny or pathetic. i am healthy, and ok, and should feel good.  i thought maybe pounding it out might help a little, and pushing publish could help release some of it.  hoping i feel better soon.  i am not sure if what i just wrote even makes any sense.  oh well.

in other news.....something that did make me happy, but pretty much more in shock was that last week during the last mile of my 5 mile run, i ran a 7:52 minute mile.  that is unheard of for me.  holy fastness.  i never dreamed i could carry out a mile long pace that had a 7 in the minute spot.  if i am in the 8's i am surprised and the 9's make me happy.  it was crazy.  i was running along, and wanted to see where i was in my distance, and i saw a pace of 7:43 at that particular moment and nearly fell off the path.  it felt fast, and i figured i was doing mid to low 8's, but that shocked me.  i couldn't keep that up for real long (how do people run marathons or even a few miles at that pace?!!), but i pushed it to the end so i could say i had a mile in the 7's.  it'll probably never happen again, but for that moment, i was so proud.  i still am!